Higher

In order to create anything, I have to be in a higher, almost sensual state of mind. Anything that is common is killing my imagination. I cannot write if I feel grounded, if the mood is too mundane because what I like to write about has nothing to do with that. In writing, just like in love, I am looking for elevation. I am looking for something else. It is this difference from the mundane that inspires me and nourishes my soul. I find it in a state similar to drunkenness, an intoxication of the senses and the mind. In that state, I am the happiest. In that state, I am the most creative. In that state, I feel like I am being myself. The state I am talking about is not always at hand but it’s not like I have to fight for it either. Some days it comes by itself – a sunny room, the right song, the right words in a book – some days I need to burn a candle, go for a walk, have a glass of wine, rub some perfumed oil on my wrists. Once I’m there, I hate to be interrupted and brought back. Once I’m there, I want to stay. If that’s not real, then what is it? It is, in fact, an enhanced state of reality. Only that what makes my reality has nothing to do with the mundane. But there is more to reality than the mundane. It is more than the news, the weather forecast, the train schedule, the food we have for dinner, the bill we need to pay by the end of the month. There has to be more. It is more. We just need to allow ourselves to see it. We need to allow ourselves to feel it. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s where I want to be. That’s where I’d like some others to be – with me. Most of the times I found myself there alone. But I know I am not that special. I know there must be other people out there feeling the same way, wanting the same things. They, too, are pondering upon their glass of wine and cigarette, in their city and country of residence. We just haven’t met yet. That’s why we write, take photos, express ourselves. That’s why we make noise and leave traces. Because we want to let each other know we exist, we want to let the world know we exist, we want to not be alone.

(Feb 2018)